COPING WITH LIVING ALONE

36250_10150377813820463_324632135462_16914250_1234530_nAll my childhood and all my adult life I’ve been surrounded by people. As a child it was a host of brothers and sisters; even though all huddled together in a small space, we weren’t very close emotionally. It doesn’t seem possible that you can be surrounded by people yet still be lonely; that’s another post, I’ll continue.

When I went away to college it was my roommate, whom I didn’t get along with very well, and as a teenage mother I had a little one with me when I wasn’t busy trying to get through classes, mid-terms and finals. Then marriage and the birth of three more children filled my living quarters to the brim and I had an unlimited amount of company for numerous years to come. The children grew up, went away to college, and one of them, yes my precious Jaynae passed away. The feelings of loneliness were only beginning to surface. The marriage fell apart even though it had been hanging by a thread for at least a decade; and suddenly my very place in life no longer existed. I was minus one child and no longer had a husband to speak of; it was for the best for  over time he added less and less to my life. Yet one child had died, I had two more to take care of.My  need to see them  succeed  kept me going. Someone had to be there for them. I was there for them for their whole lives; after they left home to pursue their endeavors my question is now, “who will be there for me?”

The first step in coping with living alone is to prioritize yourself. This includes focusing on what you want to do with your life economically, physically, socially, and spiritually. Reorder all your other commitments to focus extensively on yourself. This may include going back to school, taking the yoga classes or the dance classes, and delving deeply into what spirituality means to you. Make your physical health a major priority. Often being alone is the only time that we will have to focus on ourselves; being alone can be a mixed blessing. For it is when we feel the most desperately alone, ( and yearn for company), is when we need just that, and that is to be alone.  When my ex-husband finally walked out on me, it was the best thing he ever did for me. Once I dropped my youngest daughter off at college, it seemed the heavens opened up and began speaking to me; to direct me as to the steps to take to rebuild my broken life. As long as we are surrounded by people and the demands they place on us, it is difficult if not impossible to find our place in life and what makes us happy.

Next, turn off the television and social media and read more. As tempting as it is to focus on the electronics that are at our fingertips, don’t do it: electronic devices don’t make us less lonely; they make us feel more isolated and alienated from human contact. If contact with others is what we really need for a time, call up a friend and get together with them or contact the long lost relative you haven’t spoken with in years and reconnect with them. But don’t rely on social media and artificial means of communication to be your sole source of human connection. There is something unique about the human voice, human touch, and connecting with people that makes us uniquely human. No electronic application will ever replace someone’s kiss or embrace, or a human’s voice speaking words of affirmation or comfort.

There is nothing like a good meal to warm your heart and bring an atmosphere of comfort into your environment. Make it a habit to cook healthy, nutritious meals for yourself; even if you are cooking only for one. Cooking good food for yourself says that I care about what goes into my body; it says I am worth the time and the effort to create a good meal just for me, even if there is no one to share it with.There is also joy that comes from making a nice meal in that the creation of it alone is a pleasant past time and can pass what otherwise would be lonely hours.

This next step goes along with the previous one; create a comfortable living environment that is clean, free of clutter, and that expresses who you are. A living quarters that is clean is self-explanatory in why it is good for your well-being. It is stressful walking into a room that is piled high with dirty clothes, or a room that has papers lying all over the bed or couch. It is easy to allow things to pile up when you are the only one around to see it. If you have a room that is less than orderly, close the door on it, and keep it out of your view until you have the time to clean it. Remember to fill your living space with the things that remind you of who you are, and this includes photographs of loved ones, pets, and your passions. Pictures of loved ones creates a homey space even when people are not around, and images or objects that are important to you helps you to embrace your passions even when you don’t have the opportunity to engage in them.

Please remove people from your life that cause you to feel negative or incapable in regards to yourself. Negative people take up energy in our lives that could otherwise be used positively. Energetic and positive people keep us motivated and focused on the things that matter in life. Enjoying life, (every moment of it) and the people that God places in our life is what’s important. Negativity brings you down, and makes living alone a burden instead of a journey. Surround yourself with others who have a forward moving mindset in life, period.

Become a giver of your time to others who are less fortunate or who may live alone and have little or no significant others in their lives. It is all right to volunteer your time to a cause that helps others significantly.Giving to others increases our awareness of how much we have been blessed. In regards to America, I can’t think of a nation on earth that has been given as much as the United States. Even the poorest among us is rich, because even the very poor unless they are homeless, have a roof over their heads, clothes on their backs, clean water, and food to eat. Most of the world’s population can not say that. Charity often begins at home; sometimes there are people within our own families who would benefit from something that we have to offer. Start looking for opportunities to give at home, first.

Lastly, make every effort to maintain strong relationships with other people in your life. This could include relatives, but many times it encompasses friends. Friends are the greatest source of relationship encounters because we choose our friends. Family members may or may not be our friends. Friends can be found at work, at places of worship, and in various recreational activities or social functions. Family is important, so make great efforts to strengthen family bonds to make them stronger, if possible. Remember that in order to dance effectively with someone else, it is vital that we first learn to dance alone. It is living with and accepting who we are as individuals that we enrich the lives of those we come in contact with.

 

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